I am currently in a long-distance marriage. Though we are working on changing that, we have hit a couple of snags.
Are you in a long-distance relationship? Is it hard to believe that intimacy and bonding can actually increase across the miles?
Here are a few tips we have relied on...
(1) Lots of open, honest communication: by phone, using email, IMs and letters. We connect every day one way or another!
(2) Plan your next visit: even if it is going to be a while before you can see each other, having a plan and a date in mind may make the separation seem less painful.
(3) Express any negative feelings you are having: you don't have the luxury of waiting until you see each other in person. Even if you have to talk it through on the phone, do it!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
What "the Secret" Didn't Tell You...
There's a lot of excited "buzz" about the Secret: even Oprah and Larry King have featured it on their shows. So you probably know what it is: the Law of Attraction. What you think about, focus on, increase your awareness of, expands and grows. You can use this principle to create what you want in your life!
So if what you want is to find the love of your life or transform your relationship, you can use the Law of Attraction to do so!
But here's the problem: our thoughts are both conscious and subconscious. So we don't always know what we're "focusing on", and in fact, over 90% of our thoughts and our feelings are subsconscious.
That means that if you're trying to change your thoughts about something, you may have an unexpected struggle on your hands, because you won't even know about the negative thoughts floating around beneath the surface! "Conscious intent is often easily sabotaged by the subconscious," Dr. Alex Loyd, the Healing Codes.
So, if there is all this subconscious "stuff" that you don't have any control of, what can you do create the relationship you want? The key is to heal those hidden, underlying core issues. "The Healing Codes gets to the root beliefs, thoughts, and feelings and changes them so that you can focus on what you want, which brings it to you. The Healing Codes seeks out harmful cellular memories and actually changes the frequency to one of truth," Dr. Alex Loyd.
For more information about our next healing intensive, click here
Heart Transformation Weekend Seattle
So if what you want is to find the love of your life or transform your relationship, you can use the Law of Attraction to do so!
But here's the problem: our thoughts are both conscious and subconscious. So we don't always know what we're "focusing on", and in fact, over 90% of our thoughts and our feelings are subsconscious.
That means that if you're trying to change your thoughts about something, you may have an unexpected struggle on your hands, because you won't even know about the negative thoughts floating around beneath the surface! "Conscious intent is often easily sabotaged by the subconscious," Dr. Alex Loyd, the Healing Codes.
So, if there is all this subconscious "stuff" that you don't have any control of, what can you do create the relationship you want? The key is to heal those hidden, underlying core issues. "The Healing Codes gets to the root beliefs, thoughts, and feelings and changes them so that you can focus on what you want, which brings it to you. The Healing Codes seeks out harmful cellular memories and actually changes the frequency to one of truth," Dr. Alex Loyd.
For more information about our next healing intensive, click here
Heart Transformation Weekend Seattle
Sunday, December 31, 2006
A fond and grateful farewell to 2006...
What are you grateful for that 2006 brought to you?
My list...
(1) I became able to let go of and heal an attraction that was hurting me. And that made me ready for real love, which was waiting in the wings!
(2) I saw Brokeback Mountain, which completely changed my life!! It led to a community of people who feel like home to me, and a love affair with two characters who own space in my heart.
(3) I fell in love with the love of my life, and because of her, love songs now make sense in a way they never did before. I also got to be with her twice this year...charmed visits that ended way too soon but were wonderful!
(4) I lost about 25lbs. I have more energy, some new clothes (who am I kidding? A lot of new clothes!!) and a more loving relationship with my body.
(5) I came out to my family & it went better than I could have imagined. Even my extended family seems to be supportive!
And there was healing in so many ways!
I am SO grateful!!!
So I am giving 2006 a great big hug as I say goodbye...
Happy New Year!
My list...
(1) I became able to let go of and heal an attraction that was hurting me. And that made me ready for real love, which was waiting in the wings!
(2) I saw Brokeback Mountain, which completely changed my life!! It led to a community of people who feel like home to me, and a love affair with two characters who own space in my heart.
(3) I fell in love with the love of my life, and because of her, love songs now make sense in a way they never did before. I also got to be with her twice this year...charmed visits that ended way too soon but were wonderful!
(4) I lost about 25lbs. I have more energy, some new clothes (who am I kidding? A lot of new clothes!!) and a more loving relationship with my body.
(5) I came out to my family & it went better than I could have imagined. Even my extended family seems to be supportive!
And there was healing in so many ways!
I am SO grateful!!!
So I am giving 2006 a great big hug as I say goodbye...
Happy New Year!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
What are you grateful for?
"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life (is it abundant or is it lacking?) and the world (is it friendly or is it hostile?). Once we accept that abundance and lack are parallel realities and that each day we choose--consciously or unconsciously--which world we will inhabit, a deep inner shift in our reality occurs. We discover the sacred in the ordinary and we realize that every day is literally a gift." --Sarah Ban Breathnach
(1) I am grateful to have found my own soulmate, the love of my life!
(2) I am grateful to be creating a loving family of four.
(3) I am so thankful for all of the healing I have experienced.
(4) I am blessed to have found my life mission which means I have the joy of helping people heal. My specific focus is helping lesbians find soulmates and lesbian couples become soulmates, but I am grateful for every life I've been able to touch, beginning with my own family.
(5) I am a part of several loving communities, including a gay Christian community and a Brokeback Mountain fan forum and I am deeply grateful for both!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie
My challenge to you as Thanksgiving approaches: start a gratitude journal, even if just for this next week!
Link to read more about starting a gratitude journal... http://www.simpleabundance.com/gratitude1.html
(1) I am grateful to have found my own soulmate, the love of my life!
(2) I am grateful to be creating a loving family of four.
(3) I am so thankful for all of the healing I have experienced.
(4) I am blessed to have found my life mission which means I have the joy of helping people heal. My specific focus is helping lesbians find soulmates and lesbian couples become soulmates, but I am grateful for every life I've been able to touch, beginning with my own family.
(5) I am a part of several loving communities, including a gay Christian community and a Brokeback Mountain fan forum and I am deeply grateful for both!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie
My challenge to you as Thanksgiving approaches: start a gratitude journal, even if just for this next week!
Link to read more about starting a gratitude journal... http://www.simpleabundance.com/gratitude1.html
Monday, October 02, 2006
What does energy healing have to do with the Enneagram?
Have you ever taken the Enneagram test? http://www.enneagraminstitute.com
I've taken it several times over the years and I know that I am an enneagram four. Recently, my fiancee took it online and it turns out she's a nine. We talked about the descriptions of our types and recognized each other ("that is what you do!"). And then, we took a look at relationship compatibility.
This part was my favorite compatibility description: "Both Fours and Nines also bring a sensuality and love of comfort that is noteworthy; ...This is a couple that likes to stay in bed all Sunday morning, reading the papers and talking. Each brings passion and an appreciation of the other coupled with a desire to be comfortable and build a life with the other. Fours can make Nines become more intense and expressive about how they feel, while Nines can allow Fours to feel understood and accepted for who they are." LOVE IT!!
But you might imagine there were predictions I didn't like so well. Fours can be quite dramatic, which threaten the nines with their need for peace and harmony. And nines can be passive-aggressive, not even fully aware that they are sticking it to you when you least expect it. And on it went with negative possibilities!
Well, in typical four fashion, I freaked out a tiny bit! Here's why...
Are you familiar with Imago theory?
The basic theory is that out of all the potential partners, we are most likely to choose the ones who embody the struggles we had with our parents or other caretakers. We find partners with both their best and worst qualities and then, are stuck making the best of it.
From what I understand, the best you can do is become conscious about that choice and then, resolve to offer your partner that thing she needs most that is hard for you to give and in the best of situations, she will be willing to do the same!
Well, my mother is gifted at being passive-aggressive!
Are you understanding my reaction a little more?
But here's what calmed me down!
Healing, I believe, can eliminate the struggle to change and strengthen the "soulmate" bond created by all those good qualities that were replicated. It can also keep us functioning at the higher levels of our Enneagram types.
So that's what we did! I have created a relationship code for my work with lesbian couples and we used it to heal the Enneagram/Imago issues that might threaten our relationship.
It worked wonderfully well!
I've taken it several times over the years and I know that I am an enneagram four. Recently, my fiancee took it online and it turns out she's a nine. We talked about the descriptions of our types and recognized each other ("that is what you do!"). And then, we took a look at relationship compatibility.
This part was my favorite compatibility description: "Both Fours and Nines also bring a sensuality and love of comfort that is noteworthy; ...This is a couple that likes to stay in bed all Sunday morning, reading the papers and talking. Each brings passion and an appreciation of the other coupled with a desire to be comfortable and build a life with the other. Fours can make Nines become more intense and expressive about how they feel, while Nines can allow Fours to feel understood and accepted for who they are." LOVE IT!!
But you might imagine there were predictions I didn't like so well. Fours can be quite dramatic, which threaten the nines with their need for peace and harmony. And nines can be passive-aggressive, not even fully aware that they are sticking it to you when you least expect it. And on it went with negative possibilities!
Well, in typical four fashion, I freaked out a tiny bit! Here's why...
Are you familiar with Imago theory?
The basic theory is that out of all the potential partners, we are most likely to choose the ones who embody the struggles we had with our parents or other caretakers. We find partners with both their best and worst qualities and then, are stuck making the best of it.
From what I understand, the best you can do is become conscious about that choice and then, resolve to offer your partner that thing she needs most that is hard for you to give and in the best of situations, she will be willing to do the same!
Well, my mother is gifted at being passive-aggressive!
Are you understanding my reaction a little more?
But here's what calmed me down!
Healing, I believe, can eliminate the struggle to change and strengthen the "soulmate" bond created by all those good qualities that were replicated. It can also keep us functioning at the higher levels of our Enneagram types.
So that's what we did! I have created a relationship code for my work with lesbian couples and we used it to heal the Enneagram/Imago issues that might threaten our relationship.
It worked wonderfully well!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
How to Avoid Repeating Negative Relationship Patterns
A woman asked recently how to change her pattern of falling in love with unavailable women. Here's what I recommended...
To me, healing that tendency to find women who are unavailable is about healing the heart and keeping the heart open, holistically. Holistic healing involves finding and healing what caused the problem, instead of just subduing or suppressing the symptom. There are several ways to do that and I have used every one of them!
1) Energy work to heal whatever is creating that pattern. Use an energy healing technique or system that works at the cellular level so that you heal the core cellular memories connected to love and reprogram the cells for love. Those early memories can then be healed so that they are no longer empowering your current relationships.
2) Subtle aromatherapy using rose maroc or other rose essential oils, along with bergamot, neroli and ylang ylang. You can diffuse them, using a burner or diffuser, or mix them with a base or carrier oil or lotion and massage the blend into your heart space. Essential oils have vibrational healing energy that complements your own subtle energy field and work to create healing and balance and to comfort the heart.
3) Heart chakra work using rose quartz and/or chakra visualizations. Rose quartz crystal heals the many years of wounding the heart chakra has accumulated. It also provides a comforting, soothing energy and helps create space for love.
Try this chakra visualization: imagine a pink rosebud in your heart space. Visualize it gradually opening and filling that space. See the color and energy of the rose pushing out the wounded energy and filling the space with love and peace.
If you're interested in a complementary consultation to learn more about how to use subtle energy healing in your own relationship, email me at consultationrequest@becomingsoulmates.net.
To me, healing that tendency to find women who are unavailable is about healing the heart and keeping the heart open, holistically. Holistic healing involves finding and healing what caused the problem, instead of just subduing or suppressing the symptom. There are several ways to do that and I have used every one of them!
1) Energy work to heal whatever is creating that pattern. Use an energy healing technique or system that works at the cellular level so that you heal the core cellular memories connected to love and reprogram the cells for love. Those early memories can then be healed so that they are no longer empowering your current relationships.
2) Subtle aromatherapy using rose maroc or other rose essential oils, along with bergamot, neroli and ylang ylang. You can diffuse them, using a burner or diffuser, or mix them with a base or carrier oil or lotion and massage the blend into your heart space. Essential oils have vibrational healing energy that complements your own subtle energy field and work to create healing and balance and to comfort the heart.
3) Heart chakra work using rose quartz and/or chakra visualizations. Rose quartz crystal heals the many years of wounding the heart chakra has accumulated. It also provides a comforting, soothing energy and helps create space for love.
Try this chakra visualization: imagine a pink rosebud in your heart space. Visualize it gradually opening and filling that space. See the color and energy of the rose pushing out the wounded energy and filling the space with love and peace.
If you're interested in a complementary consultation to learn more about how to use subtle energy healing in your own relationship, email me at consultationrequest@becomingsoulmates.net.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Surviving in Long-Distance Relationships
After a wonderful week that included a 3-day weekend beach resort trip, I had to watch the love of my life, my bride-to-be, walk away from me toward the gate that would lead to her plane. Sigh!
So, ... I've been thinking about long-distance relationships today and thought I'd post some helpful tips for surviving the distance.
Apparently, there are three stages couples go through when they are about to be apart again. Gregory Guldner, Director, Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships writes about them in his book, "Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide" ...
(1) Protest: They fight the upcoming separation.
(2) Depression: They give up the fight and become depressed, sometimes losing their appetite and having difficulty sleeping.
(3) Detachment: They pull away a bit, creating a protective shield of distance in the relationship.
But here's what startled me...
The author states that, "Researchers speculate that the sequence of separation, protest, depression, and detachment may reflect analmost automatic protective reflex in many mammals. How much of this reflex remains in us humans we don't know, but I think itunlikely that we have managed to escape it entirely. More likely, the emotional reactions remain, but we have learned to change the behavior they evoke."
"But the emotional triggers that cause the pups to cry for days, and us to feel saddened by our partner's departure, remain deeplyingrained," he continues. If you're interested in his book (I ordered it!), here's the link...
Another resource: a long distance relationship blog...
On her blog, at http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/blog, Maria Madeira suggests some strategies for coping with and softening each phase. On her website, she talks about her own long-distance relationship.
If you're wondering just how common long-distance relationships are, it seems that there are a great number of us!
"The best estimates suggest that about 7 million couples in the United States consider themselves long distance. These include 2.5 to 3 million long distance marriages and between 3 and 4.5 million dating couples. Some studies suggest rates of long distance marriage as high as 10-16%."
http://www.longdistancerelationships.com/Advice/article.asp?articleID=5
So, ... I've been thinking about long-distance relationships today and thought I'd post some helpful tips for surviving the distance.
Apparently, there are three stages couples go through when they are about to be apart again. Gregory Guldner, Director, Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships writes about them in his book, "Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide" ...
(1) Protest: They fight the upcoming separation.
(2) Depression: They give up the fight and become depressed, sometimes losing their appetite and having difficulty sleeping.
(3) Detachment: They pull away a bit, creating a protective shield of distance in the relationship.
But here's what startled me...
The author states that, "Researchers speculate that the sequence of separation, protest, depression, and detachment may reflect analmost automatic protective reflex in many mammals. How much of this reflex remains in us humans we don't know, but I think itunlikely that we have managed to escape it entirely. More likely, the emotional reactions remain, but we have learned to change the behavior they evoke."
"But the emotional triggers that cause the pups to cry for days, and us to feel saddened by our partner's departure, remain deeplyingrained," he continues. If you're interested in his book (I ordered it!), here's the link...
Another resource: a long distance relationship blog...
On her blog, at http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/blog, Maria Madeira suggests some strategies for coping with and softening each phase. On her website, she talks about her own long-distance relationship.
If you're wondering just how common long-distance relationships are, it seems that there are a great number of us!
"The best estimates suggest that about 7 million couples in the United States consider themselves long distance. These include 2.5 to 3 million long distance marriages and between 3 and 4.5 million dating couples. Some studies suggest rates of long distance marriage as high as 10-16%."
http://www.longdistancerelationships.com/Advice/article.asp?articleID=5
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